I recently met Terry Gaspard, LSW, LICSW on Linkedin, “Inside Divorce” Group. Terry is a licensed therapist, college instructor, and non-fiction writer specializing in divorce and women’s issues. http://movingpastdivorce.com/women-of-divorce/
We had been participating in a lively discussion initiated by the question: “Did you know that women file for divorce 2/3 of the time? Does this surprise you?” I have to say that I am not surprised at all by this statistic, given my own history with divorces and my personal belief that women quite simply, have changed.
In her book “Anatomy of the Spirit”, Caroline Myss writes, “Not surprisingly, our fourth chakra culture has seen a nationwide increase in divorce. The opening of the 4th chakra has transformed the archetype of marriage into the archetype of partnership. As a result, most contemporary marriages require a strong sense of “self” for success, rather that the abdication of “self” that was required in traditional marriages. The symbolic meaning of the sacrament of Marriage is that one must be in union with one’s own personality and spirit first. After one has a clear inner understanding of oneself, one can create a successful intimate partnership. The increase in divorce is therefore rooted directly in the opening of the 4th chakra, which draws people into self-discovery for the first time. Many people ascribe the breakdown of their marriage to the fact that their spouse had given them no support for their emotional, psychological, and intellectual needs, and as a result they had to seek out a true partnership.”
Based on my own personal experiences with divorce, I have found Caroline’s assessment to be accurate. I did not receive the emotional, psychological, and intellectual support that I needed and wanted in my marriages. I also experienced financial struggles just before and during the divorce process. However, when it came time to make the decision to ‘stay’ or ‘go’, I chose ‘go’ because it was more important for me to have the emotional support of a partner than financial. Initially, out of fear, my perceived lack of financial support would cause a delay in my decision to go. Soon enough however, I would realize that I can’t put a “price” on my happiness. Enter the archetype, Prostitute…
I think of archetypes as a symbolic representation of emotional, psychological, and behavioral patterns. One way of getting to know ourselves better, as well as our relationships with others and money, is through the energy of archetypes. When I go back to the question Terry posed, then take into consideration the wisdom of the 4th chakra, the energy of the Prostitute becomes obvious along with its guidance. The Prostitute “engages lessons in the sale or negotiation of your integrity or spirit based on fears of physical and material survival or for financial gain.” The Prostitute also relates to the need to create and refine self-respect and self-esteem. Anytime we compromise who we are, we are operating under the Shadow Prostitute. This can include the selling , or selling out, of our ideas and talents…even compromising your financial security by taking on someone else’s limiting beliefs about wealth and success.
More and more, women are discovering who they really are and what they really want. They are now asking “what about me?” “What do I want that will fill me with purpose and passion…and do I have enough sense of “self” to share it with a partner? There is nothing wrong in desiring financial abundance, independence, and success WITHIN a marriage. Be open with your partner, talk about what you want, vulnerability is inner strength. If you find that you are met with judgement, ridicule, or disrespect, then you must determine if your marriage can support your desires. Honor thyself first. Many times, your path of self-discovery and self-empowerment will inspire your partner to rise up and want the same.
The beauty of the light side of the Prostitute is that it shows us how to thrive in this life without having to negotiate the power of our spirit.
That Money Girl 
Hi,I thought i did leave a reply..lol.Im not a tech savvy person though i loved working as a wholesaler with the wirehouses in Buffalo and Rochester.I am a Physical therapist and then got into long term care planning with elder law attorneys,CPA”s and FA’s.Financial independence is important but emotional intelligence,learned from a book by Daniel goldman has helped me achieve alot in multiple areas of my life.Blessings to you and thank you for your post!
Hi David! Yes, you did leave a reply…on linkedin! And I replied there as well, lol! I’m not tech savvy either…:-) Sounds like you have an interesting life journey…wholesaler, physical therapist, LTC planning…where are you now exactly? Do you have your own firm in WNY? I was a traditional Financial Advisor/Planner for just over 20 yrs. I also specialized in LTC planning and earned the CLTC designation (that I have since dropped…as well as my securities licenses!) Have you integrated the emotional piece of finances with your clients?
Hi Miss moneygirl.I have been really focusing on my emotional triggers to numerous things…money,relationships,family,spirituality.I think the financial sector sells the product of the day and some well intentioned FA,s are forced to play the game or they dont have a job others gravitate to this business model b/c they are parasitic and are not client centric so they have no internal struggle.On the whole most financial advisors are clueless,sad to say IMO,and do not ADVISE or plan but just sell whats easy and will justify it.Met some great folks who did REALLY try and cared about their clients but they were mostly already established and hitting their goals so the wirehouses let them be.Sorry for ramblin.I am in my third career ,where i am mentoring folks mostly family,friends and referrals on what is really happening in our world and how to best prosper and thrive.I still will help out folks with LTC but i dont go after it and i no longer wholesale.I decided,as the book says it takes 10000 hours to become an expert in a particular endeavor,so i did that with the study of money history and currently how globalmacro economics and fiat money and currency debasement is destroying peoples savings through inflation.One of the amazing things i have learned is that when a society debases its currency you will ultimately see a debasement of the society itself…i found that interesting.The paradigm the world subtly(sp) purports is bogus and most people work at jobs they hate.I help people find their passion and encourage them to find ways over time to get out of the ratrace.BTW money is only an idea.I am blessed to have renewals so i am able to help out folks probono,kind of a pay it forward .I do that with my pysical therapy.I can talk forever so Ill leave it at that money girl,,and close with hopefully what you consider valueable,buy silver bullion.One of my proteges(sp) and I are helpin folks preserve their purchasing power.Peace and Blessings sincerely!!!
Very interesting and insightful David…if you are still in the Buffalo area let me know…would be interesting to talk about this more!
Thank you for your kind words.You appear to be very introspective and that is wonderful.I really believe their is no better investment than in all aspects of ourselves.Even exploring things you may not necessarily understand or would normally gravitate to.I call that contrast .I love in my every day pursuits talking to people i run into on a more regular basis ie grocery store,gas station etc.People are INHERENTLY good.I did not always use to think that in my younger years.A smile,making eye contact,active listening,following up on something that a person you run into may think you think is insignificant and following up on….AWESOME!!!They are so appreciative.I know it might sound hokey but it really makes people of all backgrounds feel special and makes me feel even better!!!
Christine, I’ve never been divorced but I have been widowed and that did bring a financial strain–the couple of years of caretaking then the years of grief–all devastating on my ability to earn income as a self-employed person. I also wondered if I could maintain my company alone. I know this is not the subject of your piece but it seemed a corollary. You write well.
So good to hear from you Denis!
Yes, I agree with you about there being a connection between divorce and widowhood. The vast majority of my clients are divorced women as well as widows. When I sat down to “look” at them more closely, I discovered how similar they are…the emotions and struggles (financial and otherwise) are nearly the same. While I can speak to the “loss” experienced in a divorce, I can’t imagine what it’s like to experience being widowed. From what I remember of our conversations during Business Masterminds, you have come a long way…I’m very happy for you! And thank you so much for your compliment…I’m so glad that you enjoy my writing! Means a lot coming from you Denis! 🙂 I hope to do lots more!!
One more thought on women and divorce!
Atlantic Monthly ran an article this summer (The Gay Guide to Wedded Bliss, June 2013) on marriages—gay and straight—that was based on data from Scandinavian countries where gay marriage have been legal for over 20 years. This length of time has permitted social scientists to gather data to compare gay and straight marriages—this data which the author Elizabeth Mundy says has much to teach heterosexual couples has been used to counter anti-gay marriage advocates. Scandinavian data (I leave it to others to determine whether it is relevant to the US and Canada?) shows that of the three compositions of marriage—mm, mw, ww—the ww is most volatile and the mm is the most stable. Elizabeth Mundy concludes that women whether in mw or ww realtionships want something out of marriage that marriage doesn’t seem to be able to provide. (In fact, the ww marriage was the most prone to divorce. “Are women the problem with marriage?” Mundy asks.) The mm relationships had the lowest divorce rate of the three–perhaps indicating, says Munday, that men ask less of marriage and are willing to compromise more. In fact, mm marriages were evaluated as the most equalitarian of the three. So if you want a stable, equalitarian marriage, Mundy seems to imply–or have I inferred—have the good fortune to be born a gay man who has married another gay man!
Any thoughts?